Send My Conscience Home in a Taxi

Externalised Memory

Previous Entry Share Next Entry
House Hunting, latest update
Cat Go Blah Blah Blah
maxcelcat
Hey all... As you'll probably notice I blog in bursts when I have the time. I have the time, so expect a bunch of posts...

Once and former housemates Barbara, Richard and I are giving up looking till early January now. You might recall a few weeks back we found a great house just down the road from my current flat. We didn't get it, but it's still available... I gave them a call today - the idiots who own the place wanted a couple apparently. Damn it, Barbara and I should have pretended to be a couple for the sake of this! It was that good a house!!! Ewgh.

Anyway, I made my case again. I could, if I had to, sign a lease on Monday. The people living there now are moving no matter what, and breaking their lease, so they're quite happy to argue our case. We'll have to wait and see...

In the mean time, we have seen some EXTRAORDINARY SHIT HOLES.... Last weekend was a particularly fine one for seeing houses no human would possibly live in.

Exhibit A: A three bedroom flat in a converted warehouse in Collingwood. Looked good on paper... It got weird as soon as we walked in. The large main living area has a tiny triangular kitchen wedged in behind the front door. The was a bathroom behind it, which had a step cut into it so the door could open - the rest of the room was at a slightly higher level. Behind that a strange little rectangular room/cupboard which contained nothing but a large hot water heater. Beyond that, there was a "bedroom", which was tiny, had a step down into it, and widows which didn't open.

Upstairs was even weirder. The main "Bedroom" was an irregular shape, and had a kind of internal balcony which looked down on the living room. There was no windows, doors or partitions between it and the other area, hence no privacy whatsoever. Then we found a kind of - what do you call a hole in a floor that looks down on another area? - that looked down right onto the front door again with no glass or anything. You could sit in the bedroom and drop things on people's heads as they came in the door! The upstairs bathroom had a spa in it... There was another bedroom, down the back, the only thing I can remember about it was the skylight...

They wanted $550 a week for this piece of shit...

Exhibit B: Possibly the worst house I've ever seen - and I've seen some dives - in my house renting days. It looked fine in the pictures... The son of the dude who owned it turned up in a clapped out car still holding his mug of coffee...

Where to begin... this place looked like it was built in the 1920's. It had a lovely curved art deco exterior, for example. And, despite some additions out the back, didn't look like it had been renovated since!!! There was some really odd "period" features, such as an ancient AM radio built into a bookcase in the living room, some utterly bizarre light fixtures - sculpted from plaster - hanging from several ceilings. The kitchen and its hideous tiles dated from the seventies, about the only good thing about it being the cool retro wall-mounted dial telephone.

Now we move on to the smell... This place stank of damp. Most of the walls had yellow stains on them, starting at the carpet. The carpet had also seen better days, I think they'd attempted to steam clean it but it was still an interesting shade of brown in parts. And somewhat uneven. There was an ugly brick extension out the back in the overgrown back garden...

The guy said no one had lived there in two years... And no one will be living there any time soon, I can tell ya that mate! No matter what rent they're asking! Some of the other people looking at the place were openly laughing about it, and pointing out some of the more bizarre features to us and to each other. I can't believe they really expect to rent the place to anyone, ever. There'd probably be some mad keen renovator out there who'd drool over it if it ws for sale, but... Damn!!!

We shall have to keep looking...

?

Log in

No account? Create an account